I have been laughing manically for the last four minutes. I would like to share with the rest of the Eve News 24 readers what can only be described as carebear tear gold. I let out a cheer when this video ended that drew a look from the office assistant, despite having my office door closed. Pure. Unadulterated. Gold.
It seems a megathron, with a fit that is a step up from the usual “what were they thinking” high sec fits, but not to the point of being a rational ratting fit, was ratting in a belt in Auvergne. This is a 0.9 sec system, somewhat off the beaten path, in Gallente space. It is a system I am quite familiar with, as it is near where I joined my first corporation (in Augnais – notable for its omber asteroids). Many, many moons ago. Auvergne, on the other hand, has two Gallente intelligence agents (a level 1 and a level 4). Nice missioning pocket, if people still actually do that (people, not bots).
Anyway, this happy little Megathron pilot, Edea 86, has been flying for about a year. Spent a year in a player corp (COTBG), but freshly back in an NPC corp. Edea was ratting it up when an iteron warped into his belt. The iteron went straight for the wrecks left over from dead rats. Edea, convo’d the iteron pilot (apparently not familiar with members of the Sniggwaffe corporation yet) to warn the iteron that if he took loot from the wrecks, Edea would turn his guns on the iteron. The iteron pilot… played dumb. Here is the chat history:
Edea 86 > don’t do it
Edea 86 > hi
HulkUp > Hello
Edea 86 > what you doing
Edea 86 > ??
HulkUp > english no so good, i no understand
Edea 86 > yes you do
HulkUp > you want tags?
Edea 86 > i want all of it
At which point, Edea engaged the Iteron. I’m sure Edea began to wonder what was going on when the Iteron put a point on his Megathron. Then the Iteron didn’t die like it was supposed to, when confronted by the firepower of a battleship (of note, the Megathron had railguns fitted). No further conversation occurred for a while, as Edea focused on switching out drones while HulkUp focused on killing the drones and webbing down the battleship so the Iteron was able to continued orbiting it at under 2,000m. Almost 20 minutes later, Edea began to realize he was in trouble. He tried to wave a white flag.
Edea 86 > i give take it
Little did he know the Iteron was not there to harvest loot but to harvest tears. Oh, the tears did flow.
HulkUp > how much is your ship worth to you?
Edea 86 > 60mil why??
HulkUp > link your fit
Edea 86 > stop firing and i will
HulkUp > you got time
I can only image how hard HulkUp was laughing by this point. Edea linked his fit. Relatively bland fit. Nothing special or terribly shiny in the fit. But the fit is worth at least twice the 60m isk figure Edea had suggested. Granted, insurance would likely cover a chunk to make the difference around 60m, so it was a fair appraisal, given his situation.
Edea 86 > now what??
Edea 86 > dude let me go
HulkUp > no, i just killed all your drones that posed a threat
At this point, Edea apparently attempted a loggoffski. For those who have been paying attention, those don’t work anymore. When he logged back in a few minutes later to find himself still being shot at, HulkUp filled him in on that fact. Edea tried to brush it off like it had been accidental with the classic:
Edea 86 > nope i was lagging
So, with all avenues of escape blocked off, Edea tried the negotiating table.
Edea 86 > how much do you want
A few minutes later, a drake warped into the belt. HulkUp, likely worried he was going to be denied his kill, responded with the baited question:
HulkUp > this your friend?
Edea, once more throwing drones at HulkUp, responded:
Edea 86 > nope
… as the drake locked HulkUp. The drake pilot was either watching the fight and wanted to see the hp of the ships in combat, or had just been notified that CONCORD would shoot him if he shot HulkUp. The drake pilot convo’d HulkUp.
At God > lol?
HulkUp > lol
At God > wtf are you doing?
With his kill once more safe, HulkUp may have broken into a giant grin of pride as he typed the following reply:
HulkUp > killing this mega
At God was now enjoying the show.
At God > yeah, he’s passive fitted, what a fail
At God > OMG THAT IS SO RIDICULOUS
Meanwhile, the Megathron had entered structure and was down to one last drone.
At God > so tell me what happened
HulkUp was not to be distracted. So close… so close. His Light Neutron Blaster II was slowly pecking its way through the hull of the Megathron. Edea tried one last plea.
Edea 86 > don’t kill me
With no response, and hull slowly falling, Edea decided to eject and run. At God seemed to think saving taking the megathron would be worth more than this golden killmail. He was wrong. HulkUp seems to have been of the same mind. His neutron gun kept pecking away.
40% hull
30% hull
20% hull
10% hull
BOOM.
For your viewing pleasure, here is the video:
Enjoy!
Bagehi – enjoying tears
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